My Life...As I See It

The big apple

2009-08-03T16:37:00.000-07:00

Okay so I went to New York last week to visit some friends. I quickly learned that the number of visibly insane people grew exponentially from DE to NY. It was sad but amusing at the same time.

Here are a few short tales about a couple of incidents while in NY.

So, my friends and I went to a lottery to see Wicked. The man comes out and explains the procedures for the lottery and explained 13 lucky people would win front row tickets for the small price of 26.50 or something like that. He seemed professional enough. About 10 mins later, all the people standing outside hear a man cursing like a sailor. So, we all turn around to see what it's all about...The same man, who worked there, was cursing at a man in a wheelchair, and threatening him to leave the premises. Talkin about he told him nicely to leave and the man in the wheelchair cursed at him. (now none of us heard the man in the wheelchair curse, tho he probably did). That man was all in his face yelling at him all kinds of expletives. He actually reminded me of ving rhames...it was crazy. One lesson that was reinforced by seeing this man: The loud angry person always looks like more of an idiot that than the quiet annoying person.

Tale #2

My friends and I did not win the lottery to see wicked...so we high tailed it over to tkts to see if we could get hugely discounted prices to see a show. So we are standing in line while it is pouring rain outside and we hear yet again...some commotion. This man is screaming at a passerby "you spit on me! Spit on me again and see what i do! Spit on me again!" Now mind you, it is pouring rain and he would not know if someone spit on him or if it was maybe...a raindrop. The man threw down his bookbag like he was going to fight someone for spitting on him. And the other guys were trying to tell him that they didn't do it. One lesson that was reinforced by seeing this play out: When an insane person is trying to argue/physically fight you, just walk away...reasoning with this person just will not work!

Tale #3

Subway performers light up my life lol

If it's over

2009-08-03T15:47:00.000-07:00

So here is a poem, inspired by the thought of a possible end of a relationship, whether it be romantic, friendly/plutonic, family, whatever speaks to you. Well I don't really know if I would even call it a poem, just streaming thoughts i guess. Anyhoo here it is...

If it's over
I'll not have regrets
over all the time spent
laying brick after brick
to build the foundation
only to find out later
that there wasn't enough material
to build the creation

If it's over
I'll not be mad
I learned what I wasn't
and what I could be
And not only did I find you
but through the process found me
I learned to express myself and the art
of the guarded heart

If it's over
I'll not be bitter
It'd be better to have loved and lost
Though none of us would be losers
We shared a lot
And it wasn't always perfect
but just being with you
seems to make it all worth it

But

It's not over
Til it's over
and what is meant to be
shall be
whether it's ending
or just the beginning
we'll both live happily

I can't help but wait on God
and see what He'll do
I know because I love him
He won't fail to see me through
That's why I won't be regretful,
mad or bitter
He knows my end and my beginning
but also the middle too!

2009-05-26T15:54:00.000-07:00

Hmm, so i'm feeling kind of melancholy right now and feel the need to get away. I kind of want to just get on a plane go to an island and just sit on the beach and have a good ol time. Maybe because it's the end of the year and I'm all worked out...i just want to get away and think about absolutely nothing.

Things in my life are continuing to go as unplanned (according to the plans that I had) lol. which i understand. Sometimes i just get the urge to take things into my own hands and pretend that i have control, when i know that i really do not. Insead of trying to do things, I should just stand and be patient and wait for instructions from the Lord. So, that's what I intend to do.

I know that if i try to do what seems logical in my mind, that it will not go right. So here I stand, waiting (somewhat patiently). I know that I can't do better than God. So I am just going to wait and wait and let him reveal his plan to me as He sees fit.

Later dayz

Thankful

2009-03-04T13:09:00.000-08:00

I was walking back from class earlier thinking about how people are so fickle. One day they are one way and the next day another. Just when you think you know someone, they up and change. I just got to thinking, that I am so glad that God is not like man. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. I'm just thankful for that. You don't have to wonder if God is going to change or keep his word. We know that He is not like man. He will keep his promises and do what He said He would do.

2008-11-15T03:55:00.000-08:00

In something i was reading for one of my classes, they said that women usually define themselves in relation to others. So someone might define herself in relationship to her siblings, parents, or significant others. It got me to thinking about how I define myself.

I'd like to think that i define myself as an individual that is independently happy. But truthfully, I think that i may put too much stock in my relationship with others. I should really be putting all of my stock in my relationship with Christ. I should strive to get to a place, where my foundation in him is so solid, that regardless of what's going on in my life and in my relationships with others that I know, at the end of the day that I have everything i need in Him.

Now I love all my family and friends and I thank God for them, because they are icing on top of the cake and blessings from God. I just want to be soooooo rooted in Him, that I don't rely on others but rely on God fully.

Aside from that...

Tonight I went to an intervarsity large group meeting. Let's just say I was totally out of my element. I went in with the idea that I would just go and hear Keenon speak and then leave. Let's just say, I didn't go with the greatest of intentions or in a good frame of mind. I even plotted ways to put off vibes so that many people wouldn't come and speak to me.

But i was standing there as they started the worship service and of course I only knew part of one song. But I was standing there thinking to myself, just because i don't know these songs, I should be able to praise and worship God. I was just soooo aware and thinking about how uncomfortable i was in this new environment. So I tried to push it out of my mind and focus on God. It was just a wake up call to me, that i just need to take it back to the basics. I don't need my kind of music to worship and praise God, or any music for that matter. It's not about me, or the physical environment, it's about God.

I think sometimes we just get so used to our church or our routines. I'm glad I got out of my element tonight. I feel like God is really dealing with me on a couple of things which i won't go into detail on.

But I just thank God for the ways that he guides us to the places we need to be. He's an awesome God!

anyhoo

Later DayZ

Confidence

2008-04-15T19:22:00.000-07:00

Ok...So this past weekend was a big weekend for me. I had my interview for the hall director position on friday, which was from 8:30 to about 2pm. It was kind of intense but not really. Then I had the interview for the grad program that i applied to. That was not stressful at all. Im just sitting here and thinking about it all. I wasn't nervous at all.

That is unusual for me because I always get nervous and worried about things. But since I traded in my worrying for faith, hope and confidence, life has been much more pleasant. It all goes back to knowing that whatever happens, I know that God is my provider and he is and will continue to care for me.

It's just amazing to look back where God has brought me from. I used to be so shy and lacked a lot of confidence. I was unsure of myself and frequently afraid to try new things. Though i did make many attempts in high school. (I was in the talent show and danced to an out of eden song...but i couldn't remember all the steps) lol...one of my most embarrassing moments. Then there i had a couple of solos in chorus. It seemed like i would always get choked up and my throat couldn't work to it's full potential. I always did okay, though back then it was like an out of body experience.

And right before i decided to apply to grad school...i kept feeling like i couldn't do it...but then i realized that I am capable of doing it. And doing it well. I'm a child of the King. I can do anything through Him. It's just amazing how much confidence I've gained and i know it came from God. I had been praying for this and he has been working on me.

I went to those interviews, was myself the whole time and felt good about it.

Bless God! He is sooo good! I'll let you all know what happens when i get the news from the program.

Later DAyZ